"[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you."
- C.S. Lewis
When I welcomed the Lord into every breath of my life, I made the decision not to stay. It was erratic! They said it was preposterous! Why was I being asked to give up this life? I knew in my soul, I could not stay. My mind argued and urged me never to leave that place. That sin. It belonged to me. It was mine. It would take me to the depths of this earth I wanted to reach. Yet, in my soul, I knew it was time to go. I was never meant to be there. Why had it taken me so long to acknowledge the aching and longing for Him? How was I so blind to my soul's bereavement? I left not knowing what was to come. I wandered into the light. I did not know my destination. This did not vex me, because for the first time, I had a guide. There was something there, directing me. I was no longer blind, but had no need for sight. I followed Him willingly, like sheep to their Shepard. Only the very beginning of my finally living was plagued with apprehension and consternation. I had never knowingly given control of my life to anyone. When I started to lose what I thought to be the only things that mattered, I was fearful of a life with nothing. My mind was telling me to turn back now. Go back to what we know, and forget the distant, unexplored future. My guide pushed me further and further into the depths of unknown. I was given sight to the other side, and the apprehension melted away. The places I called home, no longer existed. The friend's that once belonged to me, fled. It was a powerful day when I realized these beneficial changes, were at the hand of myself. I was doing this. I was putting one foot in front of the other, of my own freewill. I was increasing the distance between myself and the darkness that lingered for too long. It was me! I had a guide into the light. It was my own choosing on how I was getting there. The strength had laid dormant in my soul for so long. My faith had resurrected my strength. Life became fuller. Days became brighter. Nights became sweeter. Love became stronger. My head became calmer.
In the beginning, I did not know why. Something deep inside me, knew it had to be.
I finally answered the Lord's request.
I gave up a life of nothing, for a life worth living.
