2013

Has proven to be a great one. So far. I love writing.. here; there is no |set| format. I can write in fragments, or full. It is up to me. And I get to talk about my favorite thing: me. Apparently. I have lived my life, thinking... thinking that I have done nothing but support and nurture those around me. So much, that I have left myself behind. I hate to sound so self-absorbed. I really do. But this is my "journal", dang it  If I want to talk about me, I feel that I have every right to do so. It is not like anyone reads this in the first place. :)

Bringing in 2013, I sat at home with the boyfriend. It was the best New Year's Eve I have ever had. We sat here... watching Carson Daily and Ryan Seacrest (sp?) on the T.V. countdowns. We sat and watched Psy (sp?) sing "Gangnam (sp?) Style". Things that did not matter to either of us. What was amazing? What was amazing was spending time with him. We talked. We brought in the new year, praying. Praying and talking. Remembering. We have only been together a short while, but we brought in the new year with every memory. We discussed those moments, whether big or small, that impacted us. That imprinted on us. Moments that would be lost with time unless we talked about them. Something I love about Jay, is how neither one of us... are who we used to be. When we joined, it was.. out with the OLD, in with the NEW! He drives me. He drives me to drive myself. We were two people... two very different, opposite... unlikely.. people. Yet, here we are, happier than we have ever been. My evening, bringing in 2013, was the best one I ever had.

I started school yesterday. I have never felt this motivated at the beginning of a semester. I should know. I have been going to school since 2007. On. Off. On. Off. I feel full throttle now. I feel like I am finally capable of doing it. Not only do I feel capable, but I feel like I am getting 100% in every class.

It is amazing what can happen to you when you put your full trust in God. One year ago today (1/16), was my last day at the bar. I had to stop for a moment and really take that in. One year ago, I quit making around 65K, because I knew I had to. I did not know then, what I know now. I trusted God. I trusted Him, even though it was the opposite of convenience for me. I did not know how he was going to take care of me, I just knew that he was. One year later, and I can say, YES I went through hell. I felt doubt. I felt anger. I felt loneliness  I felt despair. I felt betrayal. I felt sadness. I felt love. I felt love in a way I had never experienced. I felt a love for things, and a love from things. Once I had accepted the fact that I had given my life to God, I moved on. I moved into life and did what I could. Here I am, one year later, spreading my truth.

I would not be where I am today, without Him.
Thank you, Lord.